“Why do they tease me, Mom?”

Okay, this blog has been sitting in my mind since Sunday morning. It makes me sad, so I wasn’t even sure I wanted to write it. Many of you know our sons are on the autism spectrum. Our eldest has a lot of sensory issues that we have worked hard to help him handle, and we really consider them gone considering where we have come from. Still, I guess we have created a safe environment for him, protecting him from the cruelty of many children. Those in our homeschool group are very understanding and accepting, and we don’t get out much because of the farm, so contact with public-school kids is rare. However, I often try to tell him that some of his behaviors will get him teased one day, but I don’t think it sunk in until Sunday.

Sunday we went to a new church. We had been going to a friendly church, but pastors changed and we didn’t really agree with enough of the doctrine to keep taking our children (who are still learning so much). This new church is full of friendly people, and we felt very welcome. I don’t think they have many children with special needs, though. We sent the children off to Sunday School without following them and cautioning everyone that they sometimes act a little different. I really want them to be able to stand on their own, but this was very hard. They came back after class, escorted by their very kind teacher. I asked Jameson what they learned, and in front of her he said “Nothing. We already know about Moses and the babies and all that stuff”. It was funny in a fashion knowing he is autistic, but I think it sort of shocked her for a moment.

Soon we went to sit for service. Jameson was going “funny” with sensory over-stimulation. He talked too loud, couldn’t stand his shoe, and covered his ears at the slightest sound and cowered in the pew. As the music started and people filed in, he turned to me and asked “Mom, why do the kids make fun of me?”. Wow. Nothing like throwing your mom for a loop. Of course I figured maybe he picked on someone, but asked him why they picked on him. He said “They teased me, saying na-na-na-nana, just because I couldn’t concentrate when they were talking! Why were they mean about it?”. Now, I understand why he was teased, it’s just that it’s never happened before. I mean, he isn’t “normal” when he yells or pounds the table in frustration, or covers his ears so quickly and shrinks away from the sound, or makes such violently angry faces when he doesn’t know what to do. He’s 8 now, too big for other kids to tolerate this. But what do you say to your child?!

It hurts. It hurts him when all he wants is a friend and he has no close ones. There are those that tolerate him, but that’s about all they do. It hurts me, to not be able to help him. There isn’t another person out there with as soft and caring a heart as this child, and yet he is teased because it’s hard for him to handle some things. Adults comment about how he talks and talks (asperger aspect of him). They just don’t “get it” unless you try to explain it, and that’s like your making excuses when all you want to do is help them understand. I know the world is a hard, cruel place. I know this is just the start as he grows and moves out of our protective circle and tries new things. I can only hope that he can have a good, solid base of acceptance and love and self-appreciation, self-respect, that he can carry with him to help hold him up when others don’t accept him. I have to hope that the meanness of a few won’t cause him to withdraw and hide. I can’t spare him, I have to let him grow, but it hurts. It hurts so bad.

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About nigerianmeadows

I am a homeschooling mother of 2 autistic children and cook gluten-free, I homestead on 2.5 acre and raise goats and chickens for dairy and eggs, I garden, cook, quilt, and take photographs. I build, paint, scrub, and dance on tables. I am the ultimate WOMAN!!! Oh, yeah, and I like my husband a whole lot (he is the one that makes all this possible, and he loves me like no other!)
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7 Responses to “Why do they tease me, Mom?”

  1. Patty says:

    😦 I am so sorry, and though I can’t understand everything you’re going through, I will be keeping you all in prayer. It is so sad how narrow our idea of what is “normal” is, and how little toleration we have. I know God doesn’t see things like people do, and He has a good plan for ALL of us. Your boys have blessed me in the videos you make. They’re so incredibly lovable and full of life. They have had me laughing to the point of tears with their belly laughs. Hang in there, Mama!

  2. Ingrid says:

    Though it is harder on you it is maybe in the scheme of things good that the boys have each other. Oh how I wish I could come over and play, they were so sweet to me. Growing up I was teased for quite a number of things some of which as an adult were treated as attributes. That kids can be so mean still shocks me. I still am “too” sensitive but I am me. I’m so thankful I have found friends who don’t mind my shortcomings in the long run. I wish you all the best and look forward to seeing you all again. Please tell the boys I am still cracking and eating the wonderful pecans they picked. Terrie mailed some to NY for Christmas.

  3. laura little says:

    I once received a list of some of the ‘problems’ people in the Bible had, but God loved them anyway and that’s the most important thing.
    * ABRAHAM was really, really old…
    * LEAH was ugly…
    * JOSEPH was abused…
    *MOSES couldn’t talk…
    * GIDEON was afraid…
    *RAHAB was a prostitute…
    * SAMSON had a weakness for women…
    * JEREMIAH and TIMOTHY were too young…
    * DAVID had an affair and was a murderer…
    * ELIJAH was suicidal…
    * ISAIAH preached naked…
    * JONAH ran from God…
    * NAOMI was a widow…
    *JOB went bankrupt…
    * PETER denied Christ…
    * The DISCIPLES fell asleep while praying…(more than once)
    * MARTHA worried about everything…
    * The SAMARITAN WOMAN was divorced…(more than once)…
    *ZACCHEUS was too small…
    *TIMOTHY had an ulcer…
    *LAZARUS was dead…
    God loves us because of who we are in the ‘secret person of the heart’. What other people think of us is incidental And the quick and easy answer to why people are mean or make fun of others is that no one taught them better. Sad, but true.

  4. Lauren says:

    I don’t know you at all..I just happened on a video you posted on youtube of one of your goats kidding….I aspire to have goats some day. 🙂 But when I came to your website to find out more about your farm, I was surprised to see that you also have two sons on the spectrum! AND you homeschool! You really are “the ultimate woman” as you put it! I just want to say that I feel your pain. My 4 (almost 5) year old son is also on the spectrum. And I worry everyday about when the time will come when his small stature and young age no longer protect him from mean words and stares. I just want you to know that I sympathize and that you are not alone. God bless you and comfort you and your sons. We are raising children with a special and God-given purpose. Keep up the great work!

    • Thank you, Lauren, it is good to hear from you and hopefully you can be encouraged here! It is hard watching your child deal with the world, but it is also rewarding to see how they can become better than many because of the world around them. Our oldest is 9 now, and is the most wonderful son I could ask for, and while he still wants close friends we have found ways to help him have opportunities to socialize. I hope your dreams of having goats comes true one day; they are wonderful and have really helped our kids.

  5. Rory Richardson says:

    I have just been searching through your blog. I don’t know if you remember my family. I wanted to see the goats and you welcomed us. Your boys took my son out to the swamp and you wanted to make sure my wife and I knew he was out there. My wife yelled to tell him not to fall in the water. And….”splooosh.” I just looked at her and reminded her that we do have a boy. I asked you how you got into goats and you mentioned autism. There was more to the story, but I only got that one of them was “on the spectrum.” Had I not asked that question, I would not have known. My son had a ball with them. You and your husband have done a wonderful job.

    • I remember you Rory, and your family! I remember health issues made you change your plans and dreams a little; I hope that its better now! I also remember the boys telling me how much fun your son was, they all had so much fun together! Thank you for your comment, it is appreciated.

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