Today is one of those days. You know, the ones where you just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over your head, maybe take a Valium with a large alcoholic drink and forget about the world kind of days. And I have only been up 2 hours?! Ever had one of those? Or two or three? They happen to us all of course, even the bright and sunny people. I don’t know that I am bright and sunny, but I like to think I am at least at peace most of the time. Today my peace alludes me, and seeing it comes from inside I can only blame myself.
So, why does that peace go away, and more importantly, how do I get it back? I will start with where I need to be. It’s not on here, quite frankly. What I need is a morning alone with my Bible and my God without the laundry, without the bickering kids, without serving as my husbands secretary, without dealing with ornery goats or washing cars or mountains of laundry. Did I say laundry? I need time without stuff and clutter, without decisions to make or people to piss off or try to please. Can I get that? Probably not, even though it would do me a world of good right now. My peace left when I started caring too much about what people around me wanted and not restoring my soul every day. Instead I have run myself ragged trying to keep up with what everyone needs of me, from animals to humans. I can normally do it because I am at peace inside and it doesn’t bother me; the tasks are not impossible after all. Without that inner calm, however, I am bitter and angry about every little thing that gets tossed at me, every problem that comes up, etc.
So, I guess if I can’t get what I really need I will have to take it in little pieces. I will pray while I milk the goats, I will make my kids take a rest in their rooms and read and pray, and I will take a couple hours after my husband gets home to walk and not talk to anyone. See? I am human after all!